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Facing rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. A publisher is saying no, delivering a definite “No.” Being an author, I am no stranger to rejection. I began submitting articles 50 years back, right after finishing university. From that point, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have only increased. On average, I face a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: Now, nearly each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—doing so would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, an editor nixed 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, every no hurt. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my creation was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What do they know? Who made you to judge on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, then self-blame. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably mixed with false hope). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Examples

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Accounts of authors whose work was originally turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was first rejected. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his school team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone says that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, as I reached my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. For starters, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have one in the pipeline, or simply be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or the evaluator feels I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the content I am submitting. Maybe was busy and read my submission too fast to recognize its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain explanations for denial are permanently not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are within it. Let’s face it, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the point I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Or something about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was offensive.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a personal story, at 65—and over 1,000 articles. These works have appeared in newspapers big and little, in regional, worldwide platforms. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Still, no blockbusters, no book signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at 73, because my, small achievements have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but when you listen to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. What lessons have I learned?

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