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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that an online journalist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled through the school like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|